McDonalds... Number 1

I was walking home from Times Square at around Midnight on Sunday and needed a toilet. I found a McDonalds & therefore I had found a toilet (insert joke here) but the security guy told me the bathroom was only for McDonalds customers. Firstly, I didn't need a bath, just a toilet.... secondly, I think about 95% of the American population are McDonalds' customers, so it's not a very exclusive group... and thirdly, I would have thought customer safety was his priority - not making sure that the only foodstuffs to be flushed down the toilets had recently been purchased at McDonalds. The Security Head of Internal Toilets (S.h.i.t.) was pretty adamant that I wasn't a McDonalds customer (surely my physique told him otherwise) & the following little scene played itself out: SHIT: You have to buy something before you use the bathroom. ME: Really? What about if I buy something afterwards? SHIT: You have to buy something before you use the bathroom. ME: Do I have to eat it or can I buy it and give it to a bum? Could I still use the bathroom then? SHIT: Sure. (I walked to the counter and placed my order) McGUY: What can I get you? ME: The guy in the tie said I have to buy something in order to be allowed to use the bathroom, so what's the cheapest thing on the menu? McGUY (looking confused): Sorry? ME: What's the cheapest thing on the menu? McGUY (still confused): Coffee. ME: OK, could I have a coffee please? McGUY (back in his comfort zone): How do you like your coffee sir? ME: I don't like coffee at all, I'm just buying something because the guy in the tie told me I had to. McGUY (with confused look back on his face): Would you like sugar in the coffee? ME: Sure. Put in as many as you can. (I paid for the coffee ($1.09) and gave it to the SHIT (who missed the point that I was giving him my coffee when I asked if it was OK to give it to a bum) who  was very excited and appreciative. SHIT: Thanks man! ME: No worries. (I did what I had to do and on the way out of McDonalds I saw the SHIT gulping down his coffee. I asked him how it was, expecting him to say, "Sweet," but he didn't.) ME: How's the coffee? SHIT: Great, man. Thank you. Take care of yourself. Be safe. So it turned out that I was wrong about him; he WAS concerned about customer safety.